Scratch that...

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So here's the deal...

As I sat down to start a post, forcing myself to write, trying my hardest to come up with interesting things to say about uninteresting photos and blah details of my day to day life, I realized...this isn't what I want. When I first decided to do this 365 project, I thought that it would be the perfect way for me to keep my family and friends updated on our lives. I already take anywhere from 5-300 pictures in a day, why not pick one or two and post them with a little story from the day? I love to write anyway, especially for people who appreciate my style...of writing, that is. And I love photography...so why not combine the two??

And so I did. And it was fun...for a little while. And then it got hard. And then I failed.

But then it got fun again. But then life took over. And then my blog became work.

And me and work...well...we don't play nice.


So now, here I am, making myself sit down and work. And I don't like it...not even a little bit! I'm searching out photos from a week ago, trying to remember the details that go along with them just so I can make up for the days that I missed...because I can't handle looking back and seeing that my 365 project is failing (in all honesty, I'm technically already down to about 355...) And as I read through a few posts that I posted just to post, it leaves me wondering how many people might even care about these blah details. Sometimes I wonder why I even care about them...(only the boring ones, like what we had for lunch) YES, I was actually writing a post that included a picture of Mexican food. Which means that I am finding myself turning my blog into something I don't want...

Something...boring. 
  
And that's just not gonna fly.

So now I'm left with a decision to make. Do I buckle down and make up these posts, filling up my blog with boring? Well, no...no I don't. Instead, I am going to ditch the 365 project. 

Say what you will...

...but it's hard! And let me just say, I was warned. OH, was I warned. I was told this would be hard and I was told it would be difficult sticking to such a specific subject, especially when Lord knows I have plenty of other things to say. But I didn't listen. I might be stubborn, and a glutton for punishment. Maybe.

 And so I did it anyway, and I have learned the error of my ways. And I have turned from the darkness that is work and have chosen a path of less resistance. And it shall be...awesome.


Q&A

Q: What if I like reading about your blah details and the sweet nothings of your daily routine?
A: Facebook.  
 
 Q: How often will you be posting, now that you've failed your project, your loyal friends, family and followers?

 A: Every day that I feel inspired to do so. Which will hopefully be every day...but count on less. I like to keep the bar low, so as not to disappoint any further.

Q: Will you be creating a new blog? I mean, this one still suggests that this is a 365 project...that's pretty misleading.

 A: No new blog, me + work = no. Remember? Plus, this is my third attempt at a blog, and it will not fail. I like to think of this blog name as I think of my one and only tattoo. I may have outgrown it, but whether I like it or not, it will be here to remind me of where I've been and what I've learned and where I never care to go again.
 
 Q: Can I publicly follow you so you feel like your posts matter, even though I'm not sure what your blog is even about anymore?


 A: Yes. Yes you can!! Over on the right hand side of this clean cut blog there is an option to "Join This Site". Do it. You won't be disappointed.


Dear You...

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...hello.

Here I am, home at last, doing my best to shift back into regular life. It's been a long, long 18 days of family, friends and...flying. (Just typing the word makes me cringe.) We packed every single day of our trip back to the West as full as we possibly could, seeing as many people as our energy allowed and doing our best to keep up with our high expectations of ourselves and the trip in general. But, alas, for as much as this trip exceeded our expectations, it also fell short in some areas...mainly with me and my ability to keep up with this here blog. 

(My poor blog baby has suffered, here's to a swift recovery...and the strength to outlast any possible abandonment issues...)


Don't worry, I'm here.
 For good.

No, really...FOR GOOD. I am so over traveling of any kind. But more than that, I'm over being so busy that my to-do's become my to-maybe's. I'm not a fan of to-maybe's...because that's when I get behind, and when I get behind, my to-maybe's become to-never's. To-never's are the things I know I should do, and are usually time sensitive...but I keep them on the list anyway trying to convince myself they will get done...eventually. (For example: Sending out Thank-You notes for Aden's birthday gifts...on his 1st birthday) But, like I said, don't worry. Even though I have missed out on a few posts (my few might be a little more general than technical), this blog has not and will not become a to-maybe. 

Love me.

Forgive me. Follow me. Allow me to get caught up while I continue to fill you in on my day to day life through photos, stories and the occasional bit of charming humor. I've decided, in order to keep up the high quality posts of my past, that in order to get caught up I am going to post 2 posts a day, one for the day I'm in and one for a day I have missed, until they are all up to date...and your life is complete.


 Spanks.

Because when nobody's around, I'm borderline 8-year-old. And just saying, "Thanks" gets boring.
 


Snow

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I love snow. Harold loves snow. Aden loves snow.

We love snow.
But we love snow...differently.
Harold loves snow all the time, every day, every hour, every minute...no matter what.
I love snow...for Christmas. Then I'm over it. Get it gone....like....yesterday.

It hasn't always been that way for me...but since my sweet little boy has grown from adorable infant to wild-man toddler, I have learned to appreciate the warmth of January in the South. I am all about being able to let my little guy release his destructive energy in the great outdoors, without having to bundle him up, layer after layer...

And speaking of my little wild-man...

Aden loves the snow!! ...unless he is laying in it. Or if it's in his boot. 
But otherwise, he truly loves the snow.


And Harold LOVES that Aden loves the snow. 
And I love that Harold loves that Aden loves the snow.



Anyway, we were pretty sure that we would be leaving Idaho today, heading to Utah for the next leg of our trip. But the snow started falling and things got messy and the roads were just a little too unpredictable...so we played in the snow and went out for Chinese food instead...

But before we went out for dinner, Aden got to see his Uncle Brad for a little while.

 
And even though I'm not snow's biggest fan these days, I still adore the photo ops with my little handsome in his puffy snow gear. 



Thanks for the memories, Idaho.

We'll be back soon.


Beef

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Hello, American Falls...

As much as I have missed you, I have also been dreading this trip back here, and here's why...

We've got beef.
 (No, it's not the cow kind...)
 
Here's the thing...I am a grudge holder. I shouldn't be, I wouldn't be...but I am. Do me wrong, shame on you...forever. And you, dear little town, have done me wrong. Do you care? No. Should you? Yes.

Are you ready? Because there's a list...and it's a growin!!


1. Internet Is Good. 

I seriously had to try 5 separate times to upload this photo (below) to Facebook from my phone...in the center of town...and the dang thing didn't even post the caption...so instead of everyone knowing that Aden and I were "Bustin' a move, trying to stay warm in this balmy 4 degree weather!", they were left wondering why I was still bringing out the duck face, considering I've been out of high school for 5+ years...and Aden's sweet dance moves couldn't fully be appreciated.


Look at this as if he is simply happy and I am just another duck-wannabe.

Now look at it as if Aden is bumpin', wavin' those arms around like he just don't care!
And shake your head in shame at the fact that when I dance, I look like just another duck-wannabe...

 What a difference a little caption can make!!

As I have already said once on Facebook today...

Come on, American Falls...
Internet is a good thing.

Get. With. The. Times.



2. Closed. At 8. Everything. Every night. 

Enough said.

Ok, so maybe that's all for now. I'm almost positive there is more...but this is all that matters to me in this moment. And now that I've vented, I'm feeling a lot more positive and a lot less naggy.


Anyway, in the rush of the day, I didn't really take many photos. It just wasn't that kind of day. It was a 'let's see as many people as we can before Aden gets tired of the carseat' kind of day. And it was very successful. We saw everyone we meant to see for today!

Aden checking out Mr. Anderson's art class at the Middle School.
Aden watching Wonder Pets with Great Grandma Shirley, with Grandpa Randy napping on the floor and Harold reading at the table.
We spent the day wandering around American Falls visiting and catching up with our family and friends and after we were all worn out and ready to just sit down and relax, we went over to see Harold's Grandma and eat dinner and spend some down time with her. It was a nice quiet night...

So for now, American Falls, I suppose our troubles can be set aside.
But you can be sure, little town, I haven't forgotten the wrongs...the terrible, terrible wrongs.


Grandma's House

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Welcome to Grandma Shirley's House.

We stuck with our unspoken tradition and spent our first evening in American Falls having dinner with Harold's Grandma Shirley. Each time we have visited, dinner the first night has always been Grandma's special 'New Mexico Enchiladas'. As an average person who might read this blog, you most likely haven't ever tried this amazing meal. And for that, I am sorry. I pity you. I do. Because...

These enchiladas once confirmed in my mind that I had chosen to marry into the right family.

You think I'm joking. I'm not.

Anyway, we spent the evening just relaxing and wishing we hadn't allowed ourselves those last few deliciously painful bites. Harold's Dad, Randy, and his Grandma got dinner on the table while Harold and his brother Brad took some time to share the hundreds of photos on their phones. 


Aden makes the ordinary look extraordinarily adorable.

Aden and Grandma spent a little time watching 'Wonder Pets', which is Aden's favorite show these days (thanks to his cousin Layla). I loved being able to just lay around and enjoy the peace and quiet...

Until the Bachelor came on. 
Then I loved watching Shawn meet his possible soul-mates.

And since you brought it up...

Shawn is going to marry...

AshLee (the adopted girl)

Goodbye

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Goodbyes are never fun.
 (Unless you are these two kiddos...then goodbye is just a chance to be a couple of hams)


Some people try to make them easier, sometimes with jokes, teasing and laughter. Sometimes people feel more comfortable if they just don't say anything at all. And sometimes people choose to say things like..."It's not goodbye, it's 'See you later'."

Please...I beg you...never say those words to me.

Never try and tell me that goodbye is not goodbye. Because calling it something other than it is doesn't make it any easier. Especially when the 'later' is nothing less than at least several months away. I am super emotional, and I am always the first to cry. If I even think about the moment I have to say goodbye to friends and family, my lip starts quivering and the tears begin to pool, just waiting to spill over and make me look a fool. So when the time comes and I actually have to say the words and give the hugs, I am already full out blubbering...so much that I can hardly bring myself to look the person in the eye, lest I lose control of the infant-like wails that are usually ready to bust out and make things super uncomfortable for everyone involved.

That kind of emotion cannot be avoided by saying something other than the word goodbye.
Not for me, not for anyone capable of feeling anything.

Goodbye is goodbye, whether it is for a little while or a long while.

And for me, goodbye just stinks.

Today was my day of goodbyes. These certain goodbyes are always the hardest for me. It's the goodbyes to my parents, my siblings and my nieces that get me the most. And since we had Aden, my sadness isn't just for me anymore...it's for him, too. And for them...because that little boy loves his Papa & Mimi and they love him. And this distance and time between them just stinks!! It does!! It's the lamest thing in the entire world!! But it's unavoidable, as much as the goodbyes that come along with it. So as we went along the day, passing the time with few words, we packed our things and we were ready to go. 

And we said our goodbyes. I gave my hugs, I cried my tears and somehow I held back the wailing.

I made it, tear-soaked t-shirt and all. And just like that, we were on our way.

And no matter what...let me just say...for as many times as I have had to say goodbye to my family, it never gets easier.


Until next time.


Family Photos

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Today was the day for family photos.

Every time I have made a trip home, I have come with every intention to take family photos. But not just any photos...I want perfection. I want magazine quality, department store ad, shopping mall window photos.

You know, those ads with the genetically perfect children all happily playing together, enjoying their posh attire in a perfectly posed manner, sharing and caring all while looking effortlessly lovely. The sweet tiny people with their flawless hair, rosy cheeks and glossy lips...wearing slightly mismatched but somehow perfectly coordinated outfits. 

Seems easy enough, right?

Ok, maybe not. 
Maybe the reality behind those airbrushed little darlings involves a team of 20+ people with 6 figure paychecks and absolutely no emotional ties to the subjects of their shoots.

And even as I know that this look is almost certainly unattainable, in my mind, with each trip home, I still insist that such perfection will just...happen. Maybe this time it will work, we'll get lucky. And then...it doesn't. Then...this happens...

Uncle Evan and his sweet little nieces and nephew.
Papa Jim & Mimi, Aden, Layla & Jade.
I had a dream, a vision that appeared in my mind as soon as the idea for a family photo shoot came about. It involved a Christmas Tree Farm, Christmas ornaments, a bright white dusting of Idaho snow and a grey, cloudy sky. Each family member would be wearing black, red or white with a few accents of blue and then after all the photo fun was done, we would bundle up our little sweeties and snap some special photos of them playing in the snow together. What a fun afternoon we would have!!

And then...real life was all like...

"Um...no..."


We still had a pretty nice combination of red, black and white clothes...including a few pairs of jeans, supplying the random bit of blue I was wanting. But Idaho took my wish for an outdoor photo shoot and not so kindly slammed it into a big pile of below-freezing icy snow with a wind chill that could have passed for an arctic breeze. The cold weather was a bummer, but I was willing to brave the shivers!! I want what I want and this time I was going to make it happen!! 

And then...Layla was all like...

"Auntie, you be cray cray..."

And then she cried. A lot.
But I was determined. I was sure that this time it would work! So, instead of going outside, we chose a location almost as good, and only a little less magical...our usual spot, seated cozily before the fireplace in my parents' family room. The lighting was shadowy, the babies were bellowing and the time was ticking...(Evan was prepared to leave, making his way back to school in North Dakota, heading out as soon as our photos were through)...but it didn't matter...this time would work!!

And then...it just didn't.

And I was all like...

"Maybe next time..."

Have you ever wanted something so badly, thinking it would be the only thing that could make you happy, as long as it went exactly the way you wanted it to go? If so, I hope it worked out for you. But if you're anything like me, and your hopes and dreams rarely come together without a few bumps, if they even come together at all, then I am sure that this scenario sounds all too familiar. And if so, then I'm happy to know I'm not the only one. Not because I'd like to drag everyone else down, but because experiences like these are always the ones that become some of my favorites. 

Ok, so maybe not all of the experience...I could probably go without the ear splitting screams...

But overall, especially a few days later as I look through all of the photos from our shoot, I can't help but love the memories that came from our family photo day. We all had some good laughs and I'm sure that the kids will someday look back on these pictures and have a few good laughs themselves. I realized that this was as close to perfect as I could ever really even want for my family...

And then...my dreams of the portrait perfection just didn't seem all that important...

And I was all like...

"Magazine, shmagazine..."


Aren't they just the cutest?

Cousins

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As I have gotten older, and my life changed dramatically from year to year, my interests continue to change as well. It's normal, it's life...it's something almost everyone can say. But this morning it really struck me, as I looked up and saw these two kids hanging out together, that everything I love, everything I am interested in and everything I look forward to has to do with the three littlest family members in my life. Aden, Layla & Jade are the most amazing little babies I know. They are the busiest, cutest, most entertaining and the most unpredictably hilarious kids (since my siblings and myself, of course).

When my brother, sister and I grew up we lived close to our cousins Tim & Michelle, but all the rest of our family lived far away. Most of the time we only got to see them on special occasions, holidays or summer vacation. We barely knew the rest of our cousins, but I can honestly say that Michelle has become one of my best friends and Tim will always be someone I want to impress (he was always the oldest, the coolest and the wisest of the bunch).

I want that same friendship, that I share with Michelle, for my son and future kids. I want that for Layla and for Jade and for all of the 12 nieces and nephews my brother has promised me.

I want Aden to love his cousins and to be able to call them some of his best friends.

For me, one of the greatest things about being a parent is knowing that every single day I have the opportunity to create lasting memories for my son. Every time we make this long trip home, I always look forward to the millions of photo ops that come along with these adorable little mess-makers. Including this one. Aden, Layla & Jade were being their usual selves, bouncing around the house enjoying a few shouting matches and seeing who could throw toys the furthest...and Grandma decided it was time to go outside. We bundled the bundles up in their wintery best and made our way outside with our odd collection of strollers. As we began our trek to the park down the street, we quickly realized that we wouldn't make it that far, seeing as the temperature was a balmy 8 degrees outside. As it turns out, that is a little bit too cold for a trip to the park. So we hurried ourselves around the block and right back to the house, but not before I snapped this picture of our happy three.

Believe it or not, they were actually very excited for this trip to the park!!

Harold and my brother Evan spent the afternoon wrestling with the monsters and chasing them around the upstairs. Eventually they decided it was time to come downstairs and as they made their way down in this little train, we had to take a few pictures.What a bunch of goofballs!!

Uncle Evan and 2 of his favorite munchkins.
 While all of the adults were hanging out downstairs, playing a game of Phase 10, Layla & Aden made their way upstairs. We made a unanimous decision that they would be alright up unsupervised. As long as there were no tears, screams or obnoxiously loud noises...what could they possibly get in to? Eventually, after a little bit too much time had gone on without any noise at all, I made my way upstairs, video camera turned on. (Always keep a video camera at the ready when sneaking up on suspicious toddlers) This is what I saw at the top of the stairs...




We ended our night with a few rounds of Phase 10 and then our friends Molly, Connie & Aaron showed up to visit with us for a little while. It was so nice to see them again after such a long time!! 

Another full day, another late night and a big happy family together again, the way it should be.

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