Because I Need This.

Good morning, world.

It's hot, humid and overcast here in my corner of the universe. This morning began at 5:38, when my Baby Girl woke up screeching, yelling into the darkness every few seconds, as if she was waiting for an echo. She wasn't upset, but she was awake...and loud...which meant my June 9th had arrived.

Ready or it is. Here we go. Let's do this.

This morning I laid in my bed, staring at my sweet Girl and her beautiful smile, thinking about what we would do today. I browsed Facebook, caught myself up on everyone's lives as mine crept forward with the sunrise, my bedroom filling up with the soft light of a cloudy day. I hit the 'select all' button in my G-mail Inbox and marked them all as read as I thought to myself,

"Why do I even have e-mail?"

With a handful of hair in her hands, my Daughter finally convinced me to get out of bed. We came out into the living room, opened up the windows and started the coffee. It's a day like every other...everything is normal, usual, routine. It is comfortable and beautiful and safe, here in my little brick house with my children, and my coffee with cream and sugar.

Something, though, caught my heart this morning. Something different, something not comfortable, caught my attention and I can't ignore it anymore. Which is why, as my children sit on the floor with a pile of blocks (my Son woke up a few minutes ago), I am sitting on my comfortable couch with my laptop and a need to write but no idea of what to write, or how to begin. What do I say when I'm not even sure of how I feel, what do I write when I'm not sure just how much I even want to tell?

{insert a full hour of writing and re-writing, an hour of thinking and re-thinking...and a few minutes of getting breakfast for my kids...}

Ok, I'm ready. 
I know what I want to say, I know what I want to write...and today is the day that I finally...



I've spent a lot of my life worrying about what others think of me. I've worried about opinions, thoughts and words of those around me...I've considered the lives of others more important than my own, keeping things to myself, hidden in my own mind or spoken only to my husband, written only in my journals or on the never-ending notepad in my mind. I've kept a lot of myself locked away, waiting for a day when I could muster up the courage to actually come out and 'speak' my mind...writing honestly, openly, as I feel I am meant to do.

This morning, as the world spins around me, as my coffee cools and my children learn and play in front of me...

...I am coming out and saying what I need to say, writing what I need to write...

My name is Allison Jean Phythian. I am 25 and I live in Virginia, one of my least favorite of the fifty states. I am a wife to a guy I met in high school...he is a Sailor in the United States Navy but neither of us are very big fans of this military lifestyle. It's a means to an end for us, a kick-start to the life we want, a future we have planned. I am a mother to two adorable kids...Aden and Taylor. I have bills, a mortgage and a day that the garbage goes out. I have a mailbox full of ads and a backyard full of weeds. I have two dogs that drive me nuts, but they love me anyway. I have a coffee maker and a shelf full of medications, vitamins and weight-loss aids.

I'm a person living life, doing my best to do my best in this big, beautiful world. 

I am a dreamer, a thinker and a doer. I am a friend, a sister and a talker. I am a worrier, a planner and a Christ follower. 

I am a writer. 

I am a writer.

I am a writer.

It's something I've been ignoring for a long time. Something, I have told myself, that is just a hobby, something that I can set aside until I have the time, energy and courage to really commit to it. It's something I have told myself that I will be one's a dream meant to be pursued when I am not caught up in the needs of my children, my husband and my daily life. It's a dream meant for my 'somedays', for the future, when life is less busy, when things are easier and I have time for myself, my wants, my needs.

But today, this morning...right now...

...I am taking the time, using the energy, finding the courage to commit to this dream. I am committing to this part of myself, realizing that my somedays will always just be somedays unless I choose to make it happen today. It's time to be honest, to be open and to stop worrying. It's time to do something for myself, to come out in the open and say what I need to say, write what I need to write...

Good morning, world...

Ready or not, here I am. Here we go...let's do this.


This entry was posted on Monday, June 9, 2014. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response.

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